Just 'cause I'm 35, straight and a number-cruncher doesn't make me dull...

In the course of last night's dinner conversation, because of one of the plays we'd just seen, the topic of canabalism came up. I started laughing 'cause of course, I have ingested human flesh.

Greg looked at me in shock, as did the artsy theater kids at the table. I had to qualify and admit that it was more like "remains" than "flesh". Seeing that Greg was confused, I reminded him of the unfortunate powdery mushroom cloud of his mother's ashes, which both his brother-in-law and I inhaled when transfering the ashes into the little momento jars for him and his siblings. Hilarity ensued as I gave the blow-by-blow of the incident.

We then progressed to my dad's funeral, at which my throat became very dry from all of the condoling. Thus, having asked my mom if it were okay, I approached the casket and removed a hard candy from the pocket of my dad's jacket and the ensuing shock on the face of the honor guard fireman who saw me reach into the coffin, pull something out and pop it in my mouth.

Greg then pointed out that I'd done two of the most taboo things in our society--ingesting human remains and robbing the dead.

I retorted that 1) the former was unintentional and more of her ended up in my sinuses than my stomach, and 2) the man carried the candy just in case someone had a dry throat. No crimes there.

Klassy with a "K"

So Greg was in a One-Act Festival in the last few weeks. They didn't make it past the semi-finals, but last Friday we discovered that he'd been nominated for best actor out of the 50 plays shown. Thus, last night we had to attend the black tie awards ceremony...

The epitome of self-promotion presented with the seriousness of the Oscars and the class of a high school drama club. All the "i"s have been replaced with asterisks so this doesn't come back to haunt anyone.

Van D*rk F*sher's R*ant Theater presents a Van D*rk F*sher Production of Van D*rk F*sher's Strawberrry Fest*val Awards Show written, directed and hosted by Van D*rk F*sher with musical interludes written and performed by Van D*rk F*sher. No, that is not an exaggeration.

He also had a completely out-of-place musical interlude performed by a gospel singer with the worst voice of all time as well as another by a woman with a beautiful voice (performing one of his works, of course) but perhaps the worst spoken word actress of all time.

The extravaganza included performances of the 4 top vote-getting plays. Three of which were pretty good. One was absolutely brilliant. Neither Greg nor Monica, their director won their categories.

Oh, the best part. We were all given goodie bags. These contained 2 strawberry hard candies, 1 small heart shaped box of drugstore chocolates (yes, on sale after valentine's day) and last, but certainly not least, 1 bottle of strawberry margarita flavored wine cooler. Now that's class!

Medicine

First thing this morning, my boss asked if I were getting enough sleep 'cause I looked awful. Well I was feeling a bit run down as well, right up until I discovered the cure at one of the expensive food places around my office:

Rice Krispy treats with Froot Loops.

I feel fantastic! And so much energy!